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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22468687">i'm a mess (but i’m the mess that you wanted)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emalemaleigh/pseuds/emalemaleigh'>emalemaleigh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Women's Soccer RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Kelley is nervous, Kelley's ankles, Long-Distance Relationship, Orlando Pride, Saucy Sonnett, Sohara, Sonny hates this trade, Squirrel - Freeform, Utah Royals, so'hara, soft, supportive girlfriends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:54:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22468687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emalemaleigh/pseuds/emalemaleigh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelley and Sonnett navigate the craziness of this past month.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm a mess (but i’m the mess that you wanted)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This just came to me after watching Sonnett get subbed on for Kelley last night. Barely proofread, just some major fluff. I have not abandoned SEWM, this was just a fun, quick one. Enjoy!</p><p>Title comes from "Dancing with Our Hands Tied" by Taylor Swift</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been almost six months since Kelley had touched the pitch, minus the debacle of the first Victory Tour game, which she’d rather not think about. Six months wondering if she wouldn’t make another roster. Sometimes she thinks about what she must have done in a past life to be saddled with such weak ankles. She didn’t give up though, back training as soon as the trainer told her she could. Even though it was the off-season, she trained every day. Being back in Atlanta made life a bit easier too, she couldn’t imagine being cooped up alone in Utah all winter. Sure, it’s fun to be able to go skiing anytime she wants, but with Christen staying with Tobin in Portland most of the time and Becky spending as much time back in Kansas City as she could, Kelley was lonely. </p><p>The only thing that made this off-season easier was Emily. She was spending time in Georgia as well, taking time to be with her family. She surprised Kelley one day at her workout and Kelley cried. She had missed her girlfriend so bad and Emily had picked up on it. Kelley had been texting non-stop and tried to FaceTime every day, always alone in her apartment. Now that Emily was in Atlanta, they spent most of their time together, whether that was training or just spending nights in Kelley’s apartment making up for lost time.  </p><p>In January, just a few days before leaving camp, Emily was given the news that she had been traded to Orlando in exchange for the first overall pick in the NWSL draft. She was beside herself at the thought of playing anywhere but Portland, the idea had never crossed her mind. She was devastated to be moving away from her best friends but more so, being even farther away from Kelley. Long distance was hard enough between Portland and Salt Lake, she worried that being across the country would tear them apart. </p><p>“I already hardly get to see you, now we could go months without being together.” She sobbed into Kelley’s shirt while they sat on the couch in Kelley's apartment. Emily was laying across her girlfriend, her head in Kelley’s lap as the brunette stroked her hair, soothing her. </p><p>“Em, we’re going to be just fine. Besides, I’m coming to visit every chance I get. Now I’ll finally be able to teach you how to surf!” This makes Emily chuckle. </p><p>“But it still won’t be the same.” </p><p>“No, I suppose it won’t. But think of it as a new adventure! Try to see the bright side of things. You’ll get to spend so much time with Ali and Ash, and they’re going to love on you so much. I know it won’t be the same as training with me, but Ali is one of the best defenders there ever was and you’ll learn so much from her.” </p><p>“Stop, trying to make feel better, Kel. Let me wallow, please.” Emily tells her, trying to hide a giggle. </p><p>“Never.” Kelley says, reaching down to plant a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead. </p><p>*** </p><p>Kelley was rooming with Lindsey for January camp, which meant that Emily basically lived there too. Emily was doing her best to not seem bummed out about the trade. The only people she had told were Kelley and Lindsey. She chose not to tell her other teammates because she just didn’t want to talk about it. Kelley was being really supportive though, she had started making lists of all the things Emily should do when she gets there, marking certain ones that Kelley wanted to do with her. </p><p>“Look at this beach! It’s perfect. Kelley waved her phone in Emily's face while they were on the bus, showing her a white, sandy beach. Emily responded by burying her face in her girlfriend’s shoulder. </p><p>“Can we talk about something else? How are you feeling? First camp back since August.” </p><p>“I won’t lie and say I’m not nervous, but I think I’ll be able to hold up. So, don’t start gunning for my spot just yet.” She winks and lays her head on top of Emily’s. </p><p>Kelley did manage to hold up alright, definitely needing an ice bath afterward, though. Emily sat on a stool next to her and laughed at the anguished faces Kelley made. Emily had been more withdrawn than normal, dealing with her emotions about the trade, and her teammates had begun to notice. But when it was just the two of them, Emily couldn't help but be cheerful. She was soaking up every moment she could before they were split up again. After January camp, Emily was planning to start her move to Florida. The team had set her up with an apartment and she wanted to get settled in before the season started, since no one seemed to know when that was going to be. Kelley had offered to help her, but this was something Emily wanted to do on her own. Kelley wasn’t going to be able to be there for her every second. Plus, Emily didn’t have a guarantee she would make the Olympic Qualifying roster and she didn’t wasn’t Kelley feeling guilty if she made the cut instead. </p><p>Camp came and went, and Emily made her way back and forth from Portland to Orlando over the course of about a week before returning to Atlanta. She had received an email from Vlatko explaining that the roster for Qualifying would be announced that Friday. When the time came, she wanted to be with Kelley. That way, good or bad, she’d have someone to lean on.  </p><p>Emily shouldn’t have worried. Vlatko congratulated her and told her just how well he felt she was progressing. A few minutes later, Kelley got the call too. Emily kissed her and snuggled in close. </p><p>“You think he’d let us room together?” Kelley said with a smirk. </p><p>“Well, we better practice just in case.” Emily responds, getting up and leading Kelley back into the bedroom. </p><p>*** </p><p>First game. Kelley’s first game since August. She was jittery and on edge. Every possible scenario for how this game could go was running through her brain. They were favored to win this game by a lot, and she felt the pressure on the defense. Haiti wasn’t an awful team. They had just drawn with Canada earlier in the month and Kelley worried about her fitness level compared to that of some sprite 16-year-old Haitian player with something to prove. Emily knew Kelley liked her quiet time before games and let her be until it was time to hit the field. Just before Kelley ran out to her spot, Emily grabbed her hand. </p><p>“I believe in you, Kel. Kick some ass!” Kelley grinned and squeezed her hand. They had long since decided that they didn’t want any public displays of affection while at games, as it could be considered unprofessional, but Kelley really wanted to kiss her. </p><p>“I love you.” She whispers into Emily's ear and plants a soft kiss to her temple, perfectly innocent. </p><p>Kelley was rusty. She could keep up with the pace of the game just fine but couldn’t connect the way she wanted to, the way she should be able to. Her chemistry with Lynn wasn’t as crisp as she’d hoped and didn’t feel like she was contributing to the team. As the game tracked on, she became more and more frustrated. They were lucky the game wasn’t tied going into the half. </p><p>Emily knew Kelley wouldn’t want to talk at half. Vlatko told her he was planning to sub her off around the 75th minute and Kelley looked crestfallen. Emily knew Kelley was sore and tired but that she never wants to leave a game early, no one does. They were all hoping they’d be up by five goals at half and subbing wouldn’t be an issue. But it was only 1-0 and Kelley felt like part of it was her fault. She takes everything on the chest, blames herself for anything that may go wrong on the field and Emily knew it. She always tried her best to lift her up afterwards. </p><p>At the 80th minute, Emily was subbed on for Kelley The problem with both of them playing outside back was that they didn’t usually get to play together. Crystal is a beast and is fitter than probably anyone else on the field and so wasn’t likely to sub out. As Kelley jogged to the sideline, Emily smiled at her, holding her arms out for a hug. Kelley briefly hugged her back, still upset about her performance, and sent her off with a pat on the butt for good measure. </p><p>On the way back to the hotel, Kelley lifted Emily's arm and slid underneath, hiding her face from her girlfriend, and they sat in silence for the remainder of the ride. When they returned, they split off to their separate rooms, Emily rooming with Andi and Kelley with Lindsey.  </p><p>About 30 minutes after arriving back, Kelley is startled by a knock on her door. Lindsey was hanging out in someone's else’s room; did she forget her room key? She opened the door to see Emily standing there, gigantic smile on her face. </p><p>“Hey roomie!” She squeals. </p><p>“Em, what are you doing?” She pulled her inside, afraid one of the coaches might see them. Everyone knew about their relationship but there were strict rules about switching rooms and having non-roommates in your room after curfew. Emily responded by wrapping her arms tight around Kelley’s neck. </p><p>“I bribed Lindsey to stay the night in my room. We’ll have to switch back early in the morning, but I wanted to stay with you.” She planted a kiss on Kelley’s temple, and then her forehead, making her was to the brunette’s lips. “Do you want me to go?” She pouts. </p><p>“Of course not, but I’m not really in the mood right now.” Kelley sighs. </p><p>“That's okay, I just want to be here with you. I know you’re frustrated with the game and you would sit and stew about it all night.” She smirks. </p><p>“I do not stew!” Kelley said, defensively. </p><p>“Okay, Kel.” Emily nods, sarcastically, while climbing into Kelley’s bed, motioning for her to join. Kelley climbs in after her, cuddling in close, her head resting on Emily’s chest while the blonde stoked her hair. </p><p>“You didn’t have to come, Really, I’m fine.” </p><p>“That’s what you always say, Kel, but I know you’re not. Believe it or not, I know you pretty well and I can tell when you’re upset. That’s what happens when you’re with someone as long as we’ve been.” </p><p>“How can you tell?” Kelley asks quietly, wondering if she could get better at hiding it so Emily wouldn’t worry so much. </p><p>“You clench. Everything. Your jaw, your fists, your butt...” Emily waggles her eyebrows and Kelley smacks her lightly. “You can’t relax. Even on the bus, your whole body was rigid.” </p><p>“I just played so shitty, Em. I can’t play like that again or coach will reconsider keeping me around.” </p><p>“And he’d be an idiot if he did that. Kel, you’re a bit rusty but you didn’t play poorly. More reps will only help.” Emily massages Kelley’s scalp with her fingers. </p><p>“How do you know?”  </p><p>“Same way you know me being in Orlando won’t be as bad as I think. Because I love you, so much. And I’m totally okay sitting on the bench if it means you're playing well. Unless coach finally realized Crystal is a goal-scorer and the left back position opens up. Then, it’s game on.” Emily jokes. “Until then, I don’t mind watching that cute butt of yours run all over the place. Okay, squirrel?” She smiles down at Kelley. </p><p>“I told you to stop calling me that!”  </p><p>“But it’s so perfect!” Emily makes a hand gesture similar to a squirrel with a nut.  </p><p>“I hate you.” Kelley says as she squeezes her girlfriend tight around her waist. </p><p>“I love you too. Oh, and by the way, you owe Lindsey $50.” Emily leans down and kisses the top of Kelley’s head. </p><p> </p>
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